Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt like God is disappointed in you, that He sees you as a failure, that He is beyond frustrated with you, etc.
The elementary teacher in me wants you to raise your hand nice and high, but no worries if you’d rather keep those thoughts to yourself.
Both my hands are up.
These thoughts have assaulted me more times than I’d care to recall.
They can become like background music, adding drear to what could be a wonderful day.
Despite the consistency of them, they are lies.
I get how bolding a word doesn’t make it a reality in your mind, but I need to emphasize this word. Jesus is starting to show me how He’s not frustrated with me, but very much so with these lies.
I can sense this urge the Lord has to delight in me, and my constant urge to reject that delight. Why? I could give you one million reasons why I’m not worthy of Him delighting in me.
I could tell you just how impatient I feel, how judgmental my mind can be, how hateful my thoughts are at times.
I can tell you the sins I struggle with, the times I’ve asked God to help me and then the times I’ve failed Him again and again and again…
These failures start to add up, till I’m absolutely positive God is mad at me and has no desire to delight in me. They add up till I’m sure I’m the exception to His saving powers, how I’m the one who’s too broken to ever be truly fixed.
I will say, I’m better than I used to be.
I used to believe God was constantly disappointed in me.
I was having a hard week in 2022 and remember collapsing on the living room rug in tears, asking God if He was mad at me.
I opened my bible to this verse and froze…
Micah 7:18
You do not stay angry forever, but delight to show mercy.
His favorite emotion is not anger; it’s mercy.
Another truth that really attacks the lies mentioned above:
Draw near to me and I will draw near to you. James 4:8
This verse baffled me (along with others that state how He is drawn to weakness and is strong in them -2 Cor. 12:9-10).
Surely He’s not drawn to me when I’m at my weakest and failing the most.
He speaks to me through my second graders often (super humbling), and did on this topic recently…
As a teacher, I have to give many tests. Some of these are on computers and I’m not allowed to help my students throughout their assessments.
Back in January, I gave them a middle of year math assessment, which contained some questions that were meant for higher grade levels.
I watched one student in particular start to cry while taking her test.
I watched as my once confident second grader began to allow this failure to become a part of her identity.
She kept raising her hand for me to help. She kept telling me how much she wanted to get it right, but didn’t know how to do it on her own.
I wanted to shut the test down immediately. Watching her cry and beg for help felt like daggers to my heart.
I felt so drawn to her weakness, wanting so badly to give her strength and truth.
If that’s how hurt I felt, imagine how much pain a perfect Father feels when we are failing and asking Him for help. Imagine the Father’s heart as we start allowing the failures, the sins, or mistakes to cause us to think so little of ourselves.
Imagine how badly He wants to scream truth over the lies,
especially the lie that He’s disappointed in you.
I challenge you to allow the Lord to delight in you today. Allow yourself to find how perfect your Father is in your day, not how perfect you aren’t.
Matt. 3:17 “This is my son in whom I’m well pleased”
You are a child in whom He’s so well pleased with.
He’s so proud to be your Dad.
Truths to reflect on:
1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
2 Cor 12:9-10
9 But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Gal 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.
Blabbigail 